


you can only like me when you're drunk (i'm trying)

by leifstroganoff



Series: i like the old days, but not all the old days [1]
Category: Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (TV)
Genre: (kind of they just make out but i think it counts lmao), Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, zoey max and simon are mentioned but theyre not In It you feel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23958427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leifstroganoff/pseuds/leifstroganoff
Summary: Tobin Batra isn’t known for making the best of choices. [...] And at the end of his freshman year, in the backseat of a campus SafeRides, he could feel himself about to make another of his patented bad decisions. The difference with this decision being that if he fucked up, it wouldn’t only be himself on the line. But every reservation in the back of his mind melted away when his best friend (his only real friend, who’d been with him through so, so much) rested his hand on his thigh and cautiously went in for a kiss.
Relationships: Tobin Batra/Leif Donnelly
Series: i like the old days, but not all the old days [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1785175
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	you can only like me when you're drunk (i'm trying)

**Author's Note:**

> so this is probably just gonna stay a one-shot but i might write more one-shots in the same college-universe! this isn't beta-ed, but i've proofread it a couple times and done more editing than i usually do, so i'm actually kinda proud of this one. 
> 
> their college experience is heavily based off my own current college experience, which is that i joined the science fiction/fantasy club (which we lovingly call the nerd/dnd club) thats more of a friend group than a club, so that's what their friend group/dynamic with the other characters is based off of 
> 
> i hope you enjoy it!

Tobin Batra isn’t known for making the best of choices. In fact, he personally believes it’s a miracle that he’s attending a four year institution; not because he doesn’t have confidence in his intelligence (he knows he’s bonkers smart), but because of the aforementioned horrible decision-making skills. He was sure that there was something in his file that would deter the colleges he applied to from accepting him, but when several acceptance letters came in the mail, he could only be described as  _ very pleasantly surprised _ . When he and his best friend both accepted admission to the same college, he figured going to college might actually be  _ fun _ , too.

And at the end of his freshman year, in the backseat of a campus SafeRides, he could feel himself about to make another of his patented bad decisions. The difference with this decision being that if he fucked up, it wouldn’t only be himself on the line. But every reservation in the back of his mind melted away when his best friend (his only  _ real _ friend, who’d been with him through so, so much) rested his hand on his thigh and cautiously went in for a kiss - it seemed deceivingly sweet, despite the very real smell of terrible mixed drinks and beer on both of their breaths. 

He knew he shouldn’t have kissed back, he shouldn’t have grabbed his collar and dragged him closer to him, or threaded his hands through sweaty dirty-blonde hair, and he certainly shouldn’t have let him sleep in his dorm bed after a heavy drunken make-out session. Above all else, he shouldn’t have let him ignore it after the fact. When he woke up, it was to an empty bed and a sudden doubt that he had even remembered the night before correctly at all, cemented by the fact that anytime he saw the taller boy throughout the week, there was absolutely no mention of anything that happened between them leaving their friend’s apartment and being dropped off back at Tobin’s dorm. 

His doubts faded away the next weekend when a lanky figure dropped next to him on his friend’s couch and his arm dropped around his shoulder, clearly a couple drinks ahead of him.

“Dude, I wanna - hm, I wanna apologize,” and if he had any doubts about the state of his friend, the somehow slurred  _ and _ rushed way the words came out of his mouth confirmed it. “I totally like - I kiss-ambushed you last week and then I  _ ignored you _ for the rest of the week instead of just being like ‘sorry, dude’ and that wasn’t very cool of me, at all, and uh-” Leif has very conveniently left out the part where Tobin kissed back  _ fervently _ , but if he’s not gonna acknowledge it, neither is Tobin. “And I’m… I might be drunker now.”

“It’s cool, dude.” It’s not, but Tobin doesn’t really feel like telling a very drunk Leif that, especially when the giggle he finished his sentence with left Tobin’s heart fluttering - he was  _ not _ gonna acknowledge that right now. “How much have you  _ had,  _ anyways?”

“Like, uh… huh… Well, Max made my first drink so it was mad strong. And then I made my second drink, so it was strong in a gross way and uh,” He pauses to pull his arm from around Tobin’s shoulder and roll his sleeve up, revealing several tally marks in sharpie. “That makes 6 shots worth of vodka and honestly, I’ve done worse, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Tobin downs the rest of his drink swiftly - getting up to get another drink would at least be an excuse to be up and moving. “You’ve definitely done worse.” 

Fast forward about an hour and several very badly mixed drinks and, against all of Tobin’s better judgement (which, to be fair, is pretty well blocked by alcohol right now), they’re in the exact same position they were last weekend, in the backseat of a campus SafeRides, hands roaming and faces all but smashing together. 

“We should -” Tobin pulls away and he has to push Leif away to keep him from immediately going in for another kiss. “We should talk about this or - or at least lay down some ground rules or something if you’re gonna keep kissing me like this on the way back to campus, dude.”

“I mean,” Leif looks briefly hurt (or maybe he’s  _ scared _ , Tobin can’t really tell) before bringing his hand to rest on top of Tobin’s hand. “This doesn’t exactly feel one-sided, unless I’m  _ seriously _ misreading your vibes.”

“You’re not, you’re  _ definitely _ not, but-” He loses his train of thought when he notices the intensity with which Leif is making eye contact with him, and more importantly, the tightness and fluttering in his stomach at the sincerity behind those beautiful blue eyes and god, he would do anything to spend the rest of his life staring into them. And  _ holy shit _ , he was not going to acknowledge those thoughts right now. “Forget it.” 

When all Leif does is keep making what can only be described as  _ melancholically confused _ eye contact, he decides that this is a problem for a much more mature Tobin and that this Tobin, in this moment, would really like to keep kissing his best friend and not thinking about it. So, he does. And it’s a frame-for-frame repeat of the last time. They enter Tobin’s dorm, they make out on his bed, they fall asleep, and Leif is gone before Tobin wakes up. 

And so it continues. Weekend after weekend, going well into their sophomore year. They get drunk, they go back to Tobin’s dorm, they never do anything more than make out, and, most importantly, they don’t acknowledge it. Sometimes they talk when they’re drunk, too - things they don’t wanna talk about when they’re sober, how much their friendship means to each other, how empty it feels when the other isn’t there, but the thoughts are never acknowledged once they wake up and Leif silently takes leave from the dorm to go through another week of acting like everything’s normal when every instinct in Tobin’s chest longs to be lying face to face with Leif, drunken haze hanging over them as they fall into a light sleep, tangled up in each other. 

If it was anyone else, it would be weird, he thinks. Not that it’s  _ not  _ weird, but he thinks he’d want it to stop or he’d at least wanna talk about it, but with Leif, it feels natural. It feels  _ too natural _ and that’s exactly the reason he doesn’t wanna talk about it. He’s perfectly content not talking about it, until the casual touches and bromantic vibes leak into their sober weekdays as well as their drunken weekends. 

It starts with a club movie night at their friend’s apartment; neither of them were partaking in the bad mixed drinks because they had plans to study together in the morning (read: Tobin had plans to annoy Leif at the library while Leif tried very, very hard to actually study). So, while Zoey and Max were bantering in the kitchen about exactly how close Marty McFly got to boning his mom, Tobin and Leif were chatting with each other and a friend that Zoey had invited on the couch. 

“It’s so cool that you guys have known each other so long. And that you both won the spelling bee when you were so young! That’s gotta be bonding, you must be so close.” Tobin never believed people when they said stuff like that (is it really  _ so cool _ or do you just not know what else to say?), but something about the girl talking to them resembled a puppy dog and it wasn’t entirely out of the question that this was  _ so cool _ to her. 

“Yeah,” As Leif starts speaking, he casually contorts his body so that his long legs splay over the armrest and his head rests in Tobin’s lap. “You could say we’re close.” 

“Oh, are you guys -” Tobin could feel his head and heart short circuiting; if he was an outlet, Leif’s head on his lap was a power surge and the question coming out of Autumn’s mouth wasn’t helping matters. 

“No, we’re - we’re just close. Close friends. Buds, bros.” The rushed reply is pretty heavily contradicted by Tobin’s arm resting casually across Leif’s chest as Leif let out a small laugh.

“Oh, you just seemed-” Autumn stops herself with a small, sweet smile. “It’s none of my business. God, imagine how I’d feel if you guys were making assumptions like that about me.”

The conversation dies down from there. They continue making small talk with Autumn for the rest of the night, and by the end of the night, Tobin will admit that Autumn’s someone he wouldn’t actually mind being friends with. Leif doesn’t move from Tobin’s lap and Tobin tries to keep up with his tried and true strategy of just  _ not thinking about  _ how that makes him feel _. _

And it continues the next day at the library. Leif keeps finding excuses to lean closer to him, checking something out on his laptop, or asking him for help that Tobin knows he doesn’t actually need in understanding the reading he was assigned. 

And it continues when they’re hanging out at Max’s apartment again that night. Leif spends the whole night either with his arm around Tobin or leaning on him or standing as close as he possibly can to him. 

And it continues the next day when they’re hanging out in Tobin’s dorm talking about the messed up episode of  _ Occult Murders _ that they’ve just finished.

“I mean, c’mon it’s people like them that give nerds a bad name. The ‘satanic’ games they kept saying he played weren’t even real games, they just know it looks dumb now to try and liken D&D to the occult.” 

“I feel like when you think about the whole ‘using your named longsword to murder your girlfriend’s dad’ thing, they had  _ much bigger _ problems than playing D&D.”

They’re leaning against Tobin’s headboard and Leif has his laptop balanced on both of their laps where the episode’s just ended as they laugh and chat about it, but the chatter dies down just as fast as they started talking when the credits had started.

It’s hard for Tobin not to notice that their thighs are pressed up against each other underneath the heat of Leif’s overworked laptop and that if he turned his face two inches to the left he’d be face to face with his best friend that there was no denying he had actual, real feelings for now. He doesn’t have much time to think about that, though, because Leif’s hand has reached up to turn his cheek towards facing him and now those piercing blue eyes are staring into his own and  _ holy shit _ , he’s moving forward to kiss him. 

He tries hard not to panic, but he’s dreamed for months of his best friend making a move like this, and now that it’s actually happening, he’s paralyzed with terror. He knows he wants this, but does Leif really want this? Is this a pity kiss because he’s noticed that Tobin’s head over fucking heels? And now, he’s taken far too long to think about it, because Leif’s pulling away with a face covered in guilt and hurt.

“I’m sorry, shit, I think I misread the- I misread what we wanted, what you wanted, I-I’m gonna go, I’m just gonna go.” 

Tobin wants to pull him back in, kiss him back, tell him not to leave, tell him  _ it’s okay _ , but he’s frozen and the words that are forming in his chest won’t force their way past his throat, so it leaves him opening and closing his mouth like an idiot as Leif grabs his laptop, shoves it into his bag, and rushes out of the dorm without another word that wasn’t ‘sorry’. 

And then comes the longest week of Tobin’s life. It isn’t that they don’t see each other; their friend group is so intertwined that they couldn’t avoid each other even if they both wanted to. But neither of them want to talk about what happened, even though it’s weighing over them like a stormcloud that only they can see. 

Well, it isn’t exactly fair to say that Tobin doesn’t wanna talk about it. He wants to talk about it with his entire being, he’s just  _ scared to _ . Because everytime he sees Leif on campus now, he starts walking the other direction. When they  _ literally _ bump into each other on the quad, Leif mumbles some lame excuse about being late for class, even though Tobin knows his schedule pretty much by heart from planning hangouts. Leif skips movie night, and he doesn’t come to Max’s hangout Saturday night, either, leaving Tobin with people he only half-likes to socialize with for the night. 

“You doin’ okay?” Tobin looks up from where he’s been zoned out staring at his phone to see the pretty blonde, Autumn, that they’d bonded with at the last movie night. “You’ve not talked to anyone since I got here, you’ve kinda been moping in the corner. And I can’t help but notice that you’re here moping and, in what I’m sure is a total coincidence, Leif isn’t here.”

“It’s a long story.” He shakes his head and sits down at the table that he’d been leaning against the wall next to since he’d arrived at the apartment. He’s not entirely disappointed when Autumn sits down, too.

“I don’t know if you can tell, but I don’t really have anyone to talk to here, either.” She glances over at the kitchen and his eyes follow her to see Max making Zoey a drink and Simon talking to one of their other friends, all of them caught up in pre-existing conversations, so he can't blame her for not wanting to jump in there. “So I’ve got time.” 

“Um, okay. Well.” Truth be told, despite general hesitations, Tobin feels pretty comfortable breaking this down for Autumn. She’s probably the lowest-stakes person to come out to here and he decides that  _ maybe _ if he actually talks about it, he’ll stop feeling that shitty pull in the pit of his stomach. “Uh, Leif and I have been fooling around, like making out and stuff, with each other for like a year now when we’re drunk, and I think I caught real ass feelings for him, which is  _ wack _ , but I could deal with that, because I knew there was no way in hell he’d ever really reciprocate them. But then he kissed me the other day when we were stone sober, and I freaked out, and he left, and now he, uh, he won’t talk to me and he’s skipping Guild events, which he’s  _ never _ missed, and I’m pretty sure he hates me, so…” 

“Wow. Uh…” He can tell that Autumn’s trying to figure out what to say after that absolute infodump. “Well, that’s a lot to unpack. I’ll start with, uh, did you want him to kiss you?” 

“I mean,  _ yeah. _ I’ve been pining after the dude for the better part of a year, maybe even before that, if I let myself really, really think about it.” 

“Does  _ he  _ know that you wanted him to kiss you?”

“I guess not. I just- I froze, I didn’t know how to react and I think I…” Tobin leans onto the table, resting his head on his palm. “I think I might’ve just straight up drove him away.”

“Well,  _ I _ think you just need to get him to actually talk to you. You’re clearly in the same book, you just need to get on the same page. And, no offense, that’s not gonna happen if you keep moping in the corner of Max’s apartment.”

“Fair enough.” Tobin leans back in the chair and lets himself smile a little bit as he thinks about how he can fix this. “Thanks, Autumn. Really. If you ever wanna hangout and  _ not  _ help me with a personal crisis, we could definitely chill sometime.”

And so, he finds himself walking back to campus in the chilly January air, bracing himself for a conversation he knows he has to have. As he approaches Leif’s dorm building, he pulls out his phone and calls him.  _ Hey, you’ve reached Leif. Leave a message and I’ll call back _ . “Hey, dumbass, it’s me. Let me in.” And before Leif would’ve even had time to open the voicemail, he’s started texting him the same sentiment. And before he’s had time to finish the onslaught of text messages he’s started sending, the door opens to reveal a sleep-laden Leif, clad in flannel pajama pants and a tight t-shirt. 

“Dude, it’s like 1am, what’s up?” 

“I wanna talk to you.” All of Tobin’s energy is going into making himself seem assertive when all he wants to do is hug Leif and  _ not talk _ . “I’m done avoiding it and I think you’d like to be, too, so… Can we go up to your dorm? It’s also cold as balls out here, if that sways your decision at all.” 

Leif sighs and waves for him to come in, leading him up the stairs to his 3rd floor dorm. 

“You wanted to talk?” 

“Yeah. I was wondering if I hallucinated _ you _ kissing  _ me _ or what, because you haven’t talked to me in a week, in fact, you’ve actively run away from me, more than once. So?”

“ _ So _ ? I thought that was pretty self-explanatory. I’m… I’m embarrassed and I have been for a few months, because I think I like you, and then I’m fairly certain that we’re on the same page, and I go for it, and you freeze, and I feel like an  _ idiot _ , because yeah, okay, why would you want me when we’re not wasted out of our minds and I really just wanted to forget about it but I couldn’t forget about it while spending every hour of every day with you and your laugh and your goddamn face, and I just needed space, and-” 

Leif’s rush of a run-on sentence was cut off by Tobin lunging forward and crashing their mouths together without a second thought; this time, it only takes Leif a second to process what’s happening, immediately moving his hands to rest on Tobin’s hips and kiss back. When they finally pull away, breathless, the smile on Tobin’s face is probably the dumbest smile he’s ever let himself show.

“I didn’t wanna forget about it.” Tobin brings a hand up to rest on Leif’s neck, thumb stroking his jawline. “I’m sorry I froze. I cannot even tell you how long I’d been hoping you’d kiss me when you were sober and then you  _ were _ and I just- I couldn’t process that it was actually happening and I was freaking out and then you were leaving and I didn’t know what to say to make you stop leaving. So, I didn’t.”

“I’m sorry for ignoring you. I didn’t really know what to do, but I… I know that definitely wasn’t the right thing to do.” Leif moves his hand from resting on Tobin’s hip and takes his hand in his own. 

“It’s cool, dude.” And this time, it really is. “Let’s just… in the future, let’s talk to each other? I trust you. And I hope you trust me. And clearly, we’ve been on the same page, but I guess we both thought the other was in a different book.”

“That’s… a weirdly apt metaphor. Good job, bro.” 

“So… now that we’ve  _ talked _ . I mean, I know we’re gonna have to do a lot more talking if this is gonna be serious-”

“You want this to be serious?”

“I mean -  _ yeah _ . I think I’ve wanted this to be serious longer than I’ve known that I wanted this at all.” 

“Cool. I mean, I agree, same page, same book.” If he could take a picture of Leif’s smile, right now, in this moment, he would.

“I think… now would be a pretty good time to do some  _ not talking _ . I think we’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for.”


End file.
